Feminine Ways of Knowing: The Body
Reclaiming our feminine ways of knowing means reclaiming the goodness of our bodies.
Your body is wise.
Your body is honest.
Your body is central to who you are.
And your body is the very first way that you know what you know.
For many of us, however, due to harmful cultural conditioning, we have learned to separate our sense of self from our bodies.
For most of my life, I was completely out of touch with my own body. And for good reason.
In many ways my body felt like an object to control and manipulate. A necessary vehicle to carry around the “real” me. I lived from my shoulders up.
Maybe you can relate?
The church especially gave me some not-so-healthy messages about my body. “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” I was told that my body was the source of temptation and sin, not only for myself, but for others.
I was taught that my female body was something to cover up, lest I “cause a brother to stumble.” The message was that any violation against my body was likely due to my own lack of modesty.
I remember the searing shame when a male youth pastor told my mom that my new shirt was too low-cut. I can still feel my anger when a male professor at my conservative Christian college pulled me aside to tell me my shorts were too short. My body was something to be policed by men in charge.
In the wider culture, I learned that to be a female body meant to be worth less than a male one.
Boys would frequently insult each other, “You run/play/throw/fight like a girl.” Doing anything “like a girl” was shameful and pathetic. I got the message that due to my gender, I would never be good at sports. So I spared myself the humiliation and gave it up before I even tried.
I learned that for women, our strongest social currency is physical desirability. Media images revealed the type of female body that is considered valuable. An impossible standard to reach…my legs were too skinny, or my stomach too fat, or I had too many zits…
These unhealthy body standards reinforced the supremacy of white, cis-gender, heterosexual, able bodies, tainting the way I perceived not only myself, but the bodies of others.
As a result of all of this, it’s not surprising that, like many in our culture of bodily objectification, I learned to disassociate from my body.
As Tami Lynn Kent writes, “the spirit naturally moves away from places that are dishonored. The female body [has long been] a source of shame rather than a place of celebrated, sacred space.”
It wasn’t until my early twenties in a yoga class that I had an epiphany. Laying on the cool gym floor in our final resting pose, I suddenly realized:
I am a body. This body is me.
The truth flooded my every cell with holy wonder. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
I am a body. And my body is good.
One of the first steps towards coming home to the goodness and wisdom of our bodies is honestly reflecting on the harmful messages we’ve learned along the way.
As Rumi writes, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
What internalized messages prevent you from accessing the wisdom and goodness of your body?
PRACTICE:
I invite you to take some time and reflect with curiosity and compassion:
What are the various messages that you received about your body from the contexts of family, society, school, faith, and media?
How have those messages impacted your sense of self and your relationship with your body? How have they shaped the way you see other bodies?
What was empowering? What was harmful?
Breathe compassion into your dear body. Notice what physical sensations arise as you reflect. What story is coming through the sensations of your body? What wisdom?
How might you want to move that wisdom out and through? Dance, art, song, a wander in nature, a talk with a friend? Follow your desire.
This is a topic that affects all of us. And yet, there is little space to share and process how our bodies and the bodies of others are dishonored by harmful messages. If you feel inspired to share, I sincerely welcome your stories.
May you know that your body is a wise and trustworthy teacher.
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Working with harmful internalized messages and connecting to the body’s wisdom is one aspect of the work I do as a 1:1 Soul Companion. Click to learn more.
Hi, I’m Stephanie!
As a Soul Companion, educator, and sacred space holder, I am passionate about deepening our connection to the earth, our bodies, and the Divine Mystery that dances in all that is.
Let’s journey together into the sacred wild!
