Debunking the Myths to Reclaim our Rage
Your anger has the potential to be a holy force for good in our world. But all too often we learn to treat our anger as a negative thing.
Today I want to debunk some of the most commonly held myths about anger. My hope is that in doing so, we can choose a different story, and reclaim the sacred nature of our rage.
Myth 1: Anger is toxic.
Anger is often labeled a “bad” emotion, toxic even.
However, like all emotions, anger is a natural and healthy expression of our human experience. In and of itself, anger is neither good nor bad, it simply is.
What is toxic is often the values that lie beneath one’s anger—feelings of entitlement and domination are all too prevalent in the power-over culture in which we live. In a capitalist, colonial, consumerist society, we have all internalized some toxic values.
Just look at the many “Karens” caught on video getting angry at people of color. It’s not their anger that is toxic, it is the white-supremacist beliefs that underlie their rage.
Anger itself is neutral–it’s what our anger reveals about our motives and values that determines whether anger is a force for good or ill. Anger holds up a mirror to deep-seated beliefs.
Myth 2: Anger is violent
Anger is an emotion. Violence is an action. In pop-culture, the two seem to go together. An angry person is a violent person.
And it is true that when we feel anger, our body releases adrenaline that activates us to be ready for action. However, the emotion of anger doesn’t have to result in the action of violence. We have a choice about how we act.
There are certainly times when healthy aggression is an appropriate and even life-saving response to physical threat. But in most cases, there are many other life-affirming ways for us to express our anger.
Myth 3: Anger needs to be controlled
The reality is that emotions can’t be controlled. They simply happen.
Emotions come like a wave on the sea. They rise, crest, descend and retreat. And just like we can’t prevent the waves of the ocean from crashing, we also cannot hold back the tides of our emotions.
We can, however, learn to ride the waves with compassion and skill. We can learn to choose our response to our anger.
Myth 3: Anger is unfeminine
Anger is part of our human wholeness no matter our gender identification. Yet, in our patriarchal culture where the gender binaries are deeply rooted, anger is just one of many human expressions that has been given a gender script.
Men get angry. Women don’t.
Of course this is a bunch of malarky. Female anger is a powerful force of nature–just think of an angry mama bear defending her cubs. Or the Hindu goddess Kali slaying demons in her rage. It doesn’t get more fiercely feminine than that!
Myth 4: Anger is unenlightened
In some spiritual circles, anger is looked down upon as a base emotion. One that we need to transcend in order to become spiritual.
The truth is that our humanity is sacred, and that lovingly inhabiting the fullness of our human expression is our holy task.
One of my favorite stories abut Jesus, the spiritual icon of our culture, is when he gets angry, flips over tables and publicly calls out corporate corruption. He demonstrates holy rage.
Anger is fuel to the fire for much needed social changes. Some of the most holy people have been lit up by the sacred fire of righteous anger.
Like any part of our lives, anger can be a tool on our spiritual path.
The question is, to what is my anger in service? And how can I channel this energy for the sake of Life?
…………
So there you have it. Four myths unraveled, and hopefully a little more space to lovingly explore your own relationship to anger.
What other myths have you heard about anger?
And what relationship do you hope to have with your own anger?
With honor for the fire of life in you.
Pssst….know someone who might like this post? Pass it on!
Tending to our sacred fire is an important aspect of the work I do as a 1:1 Soul Companion. Click to learn more.
What to read more? Check out these related posts:
Hello, dear one. I’m Stephanie.
As a Soul Companion, educator, and sacred space holder, I am passionate about deepening our connection to the earth, our bodies, and the divine mystery that dances in all that is.
Let’s journey together into the sacred wild!
