What the hell are you thinking?

The words echoed in my brain as I took a step back from the mirror to look at the gold paint I had just heavily applied over each eyelid and down my lips and chin in a wide stripe. Sparkly star stickers dotted the sides of my face. I was calling in the power of the Summer Solstice. Like earth-loving peoples across time, I was marking the moment by marking my body.

Part of me felt delighted by this act of playful participation. Another part of me was seething. 8 womxn were coming to my house in 15 minutes…you are going to welcome them into your home looking like that? It’s too much. Too weird. Take it off.

Hello inner critic. I hear you.

For a long time, my inner critic called the shots. Keeping me safely in the realm of what is acceptable and appropriate. Making sure I belonged. Through her threats and nagging, she made sure I towed the line.

Like many of us do, I eventually began to see that the dictates of society– which my inner critic was so keen on upholding–do not serve my flourishing nor anyone else’s. Awareness dawned that my inner critic was the internalized voice of the power-over-paradigms relentlessly trying to get me to submit and conform to a value-system that I don’t actually agree with and that is causing untold harm to our planet and her peoples.

In response, I started a war with my inner critic. Trying to shut her up and bring her down. But all that inner wrestling only made her more ferocious.

It took some work, but my inner critic and I are no longer at war. It doesn’t mean we don’t have our disputes, but the battle is over.

You see, I realized that beneath the seething venom was a younger me (pictured above), who early on internalized the rules of the game as a way to stay safe. Rather than risking rejection, my tender, young self sought to keep me safe by making sure I was always “in the bounds of belonging.”

Connecting to this younger part of me, helps me have enormous compassion for my inner critic. She did keep me safe when I was a child and beholden to the institutional values of school, church and culture for my very survival.

It’s pride month, which so fittingly corresponds with the Summer Solstice. Both invite us into our fullest expression and radiant visibility. I think of the individuals within the queer community whom I know and love who have courageously chosen to fully express themselves and their sexual identities even in the midst of a family or church culture that does not approve, even as legislators are seeking to pass laws to make their very identities illegal. And still, these beautiful ones choose to shine their light. Deep bow. Your light is such a gift.

No matter how you identify, the powers-that-be do not want your fullness, are threatened by your flourishing, and demand that you stay small and uphold the status quo. Even as power and privilege mean that some of us more readily “belong,” on some level, it hasn’t been safe for any of us to truly step into our fullest expression.

Remembering all this has helped me to cease my battle cry toward my inner critic and tend to her with love.

Instead of fighting her, I validate her fears. I hear her out. And I remind her that I’m in a different space now. It is safe to color outside the lines. I’m going to be okay.

Not only that, I will experience greater love than was previously possible, because my belonging won't be contingent on how well I can follow the rules.

Instead, I can step into my inherent belonging and experience love authentically in the fullness of who I am. Now that’s freedom!

I breathed some love towards my inner critic, assured her I was going to be okay, and kept on the gaudy gold make-up.

I set out the gold paint, the sparkly stickers, and a mirror. When the womxn showed up that night for the Summer Solstice Womxn’s Circle, I invited them to decorate themselves with sunshine if they felt so inspired.

Each of them joyfully and playfully did, marking herself in her own unique way. Bringing her own radiant expression to the ceremony in bodily form. There was laughter, there was drumming, there was sharing, and there was joy.

When we step into our own authentic expression, in however small a way, we extend permission for others to do the same. When you show up in your fullness, your radiance invites others to shine their own light.

What keeps you from shining your light?

If, like me, you have your own inner critic trying to dim you down, next time you hear that voice, I invite you to pause, connect to your center, take a deep breath and ask them: What do you need to say to me? What do you want me to know? Anything else? I hear you saying…

From a stance of loving witness, have a dialogue, validate their experience, and see what happens when you do.

The truth is, the world needs your eccentricities and the true song of your soul. So go forth, and shine your light!

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Working with the inner critic is one aspect of the work I do as a 1:1 Soul Companion. Click to learn more.

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