***head’s up, the story below includes rape***

Have you ever wanted to do something, but fear held you back?

In the rising heat of summer, I’ve been thinking a lot about visibility and fear.

We can be hard on ourselves when we lack the confidence we think we should have to do the things we want to do. When fear creeps in, shame is often hot on its heels.

But it’s important to remember that fear is a wise messenger, and although we are each meant to reveal our divine radiance, there’s often good reason why we don’t.

I just recently heard the story of Aine (pronounced On-ya), Celtic Goddess of summer.

As goddess of the sun, fertility and abundance, Aine is one radiant female. She often took the form of a fiery red mare running wildly across the land, the rooted ones of the earth coming into extravagant fullness in her wake.

One day, as Aine was bathing in her favorite river, the King of Munster came upon her. The crops of his kingdom were failing, and he had been told to seek Aine for her help. However, when he saw her, he was overcome with lust. The king did not realize she was the very goddess he sought. Mistaking Aine for a mortal, he raped her.

Aine was enraged by this violation. In her fury she bit his ear clean off. According to the custom of Ireland, a king had to be without blemish to rule. And so not only did the king lose his opportunity to save the food source for his people, he also lost his crown.

As goddess of the sun and summer, Aine invites us into our own radiant expression, our own creative fire. While the feminine is most frequently associated with the moon, Aine reminds us that the Divine Feminine can also shine bright, bring the heat, and rule the day.

But her story also reveals the dangers of such radiant visibility, even for a goddess.

To be truly visible is to be vulnerable, open to the judgment, ridicule, and even violence of others.

In a culture where 81% of womxn in the US have experienced sexual harassment and over 40% have experienced sexual assault, womxn and girls consciously or unconsciously live with the threat of violence to our bodies.

Is it any wonder then, that we might feel fear in letting ourselves be seen? If simply walking down the street makes us a target, then how much more so does putting ourselves out there in other, bolder ways?

There is good reason for our fear of visibility. So rather than getting stuck in a narrative of shame, perhaps we can breathe some love towards our fear.

PRACTICE:

The next time you find yourself gripped by fear, rather than pushing it away or judging yourself harshly, can you take a stance of compassionate curiosity and let yourself feel it?

Where does it show up in your body? What sensations do you notice? Does it have a texture, a temperature, a color? Are there images or thoughts associated with this fear? Does it make you want to move in any particular way–maybe recoil, maybe put your arms up in defense, maybe shake it off? Just notice, and let yourself move or speak or grunt or howl as you feel called.

Then see if you can trace your fear to its source. What is the root of this fear? We experience fear for good reason–either something in the moment or something in the past is rankling our haunches.

Maybe with the help of a trusted friend, therapist or guide, you can gently investigate the cause. Often current experiences can feel like past ones that previously registered in our bodies as unsafe. This can kick up our stress/trauma response.

Awareness is key.

When we allow ourselves to really experience our embodied response and move towards our experience with compassionate curiosity, we come to know ourselves on a deeper level.

Awareness opens up space for us to choose how we want to respond rather than falling into default patterns.

It’s important to remember that our fear of visibility likely has its roots in cultural, personal, and intergenerational woundings. Our bodies are wise, and fear is not something to push through, but to attend to with love. For truly, it is only love that heals and transforms.

Aine’s story reminds us that our wounding doesn’t have to define us, that healing is possible. Although she is violated, Aine carries on as the Goddess she is. She finds a way to continue to show up in the fullness of her gifts, and the earth responds with fertile abundance as she does.

As you feel ready, in your own time and way, may you shine your unique and divine light out into the world. And when fear comes knocking, may you greet it with compassion, and honor the wisdom it has to offer you.

……..

For more on the practice shared above and others like it, see Call of the Wild by Kimberly Ann Johnson

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Working with fear and our internalized messages of the over-culture is one aspect of the work I do as a 1:1 Soul Companion. Click to learn more.

She bit off his what!?

Feminine Ways of Knowing

Let Your Light Shine